It's been awhile since I've blogged, and this post is mainly to say that it will be awhile longer till I blog again :)
Ive been struggling for awhile now with how much time I spend on blogs/facebook/social media, and I've really been questioning whether or not blogging is something God wants me to continue doing. This blog started out as a way for me to keep in touch with friends and family after Jonathan and I got married and moved away. At least thats what I told myself, but I'd be lying if I said my motivation for blogging was just to let my mom see pictures of our latest weekend adventure. Somewhere along the way the number of readers I collected and how many times my recipes were pinned began to matter, as if it had some bearing on me as a wife.
For someone who's struggled with perfectionism most of my life the blogging world has a way of sucking me in and magnifying the lies I feed myself. Its easy to present the perfect home-cooked meal, and look at these new DIY curtains I saw on Pinterest and constructed from dropcloths, duct tape, and gold-leaf foil...I'm so crafty and save us so much money! Have you seen my perfectly styled nightstand complete with fresh flowers and the unabridged version of Les Miserables...I just picked that up for a bit of light reading before bed :) While on the floor just out of shot lies the used tissues, mismatched earrings, week old glass of water, and whatever else I swiped off the top of my nightstand to take the "perfect, BH&G shot". And let me tell you about this fabulous local restaurant with all organic food that Jon and I went to on our wonderfully romantic date night, here's picture proof with our teeth photoshopped whiter, to make our smiles look brighter, to show that we're the perfect happy couple, never mind this was the 4th attempt at a picture and Jonathan was annoyed, the food tasted like cardboard, and after we got home we ate cereal straight out of the box in fistfuls while sitting on the couch in our sweats. Because that's real life. Not this fakely perfect version we try to sell ourselves and everyone else.
Now don't get me wrong, I honestly enjoy crafting and cooking, I love fresh flowers and creating pretty spaces, but why do I feel the need to share this with all the world? So others see what a good wife/homemaker I am? If that is my goal then this blog is not to glorify God and the gifts he has blessed me with, its to glorify myself.
So for Lent I'm
giving up letting go of blogging, loosening my hands from the "ideal life" I cling to so tightly.
I'm going to cook & bake for friends/family because it brings me joy to serve God & others in this way. I'm going to arrange 'manager special' flowers in a recycled bottle so I can see the beauty of God in the small things. I'm going to close my computer and go on a walk with my husband, and we'll be weird and quirky together because its what we do, and I love him for it.
And at the end of 40 days, if I decide to come back to blogging I pray it will be with a very different goal in mind.